Wednesday, November 6, 2013

The P's Top 3 cheating gone wrong

The P’s Weekly Top 3

Warning: Do NOT Cheat on your spouse. Ever.  The consequences are never worth the action.  The P will share with you its top 3 findings of spouses retaliating after discovering the infidelity of their spouse.

3. This wife came home to find her husband sleeping with another woman.  The couple, residents in Arizona, got into a shouting match and immediately, the husband was kicked out of the house.  The female who also took part in the adulterous act then turned to the wife and ask her for compensation for her work.  She was a lady of the night and threatened the wife for the money.  Finally getting rid of the prostitute, the wife took all of her husband's possessions and tossed them to the curb.

2.  From the Canterbury Tales, most specifically the Miller’s Tale, we learn of another case of cheating gone wrong.  The Miller’s wife, Alison, plans to cheat on him with Nicholas.  The two craft an elaborate scheme so that they will not be discovered.  Ironically, their selfish acts caused John the Miller to come crashing through the roof of the house and causing significant damage.  On top of that, he broke up all the fun!

1. Our number 1 example (and hopefully you have already been deterred to never cheat) is the most extreme reaction of revenge we have seen to date.  In October of 2013, we saw this video of a man who goes to extreme measures to make his wife suffer.  This man came home to find his wife and her lover in their bedroom.  In rage, the man left the house, jumped in his car, and destroyed the lawn.  His next act showed his true fury.  He rammed his SUV in the side of the house.  Needless to say, damages and legal fees are not worth cheating in any universe.

Works Cited

An Incomplte Image of a Man

Kayla Coleman
D Block
Canterbury Tales Essay
An Incomplete Image of a Man

“No character in a literary work can or should be reduced to a single interpretation” band Chaucer the author are also males”, Rosemary M. Canfield Riesman states in her essay “A Feminist Perspective on The Canterbury Tales” from Critical Insights: The Canterbury Tales (Riesman). The notion that Geoffrey Chaucer was a feminist is tossed around without second thought by critics’ male and female, and everyday people who read The Canterbury Tales, or specifically the Wife of Bath’s Prologue. Chaucer highlights several female characters such as the Wife of Bath, the Prioress and the Second Nun, but none of them present intense, formidable feminist opinions concerning the inequalities and hypocrisies of marriage other than “the colorful Wife of Bath” (Riesman). Editor in chief of Cosmopolitan Magazine, Helen Gurley Brown defines feminism as “wanting the best for both sexes” (Helen Gurley Brown: I’m A Devout Feminist). The Wife of Bath’s five marriages and satirical interpretations of men reflect this modern definition of feminism. Her story provides insight to the ideas of a woman living in the medieval times, as well as any woman opposed to patriarchal and unequal opportunities from any time period. Basically, she is an archetype for future women in real life and fictional works. That being said, The Wife of Bath’s story and outlook do not automatically equivocate to being Chaucer’s ideas and opinions about marriage and the woman’s role in society. 

“Do you think as long as I can preach… that I will live in poverty, by choice? No! Let me preach from kirk to kirk and never do an honest job of work” the Pardoner proclaims in his prologue (Chaucer, 244). With blatant and biased interpretations of clergymen, Chaucer satirizes the clergy and the church by stuffing The Pardoner’s Tale with as many stereotypes as humanly possible. The Pardoner’s miserly ways are so over-exaggerated the reader has no choice but to laugh at the ridiculous interpretation that Chaucer has created. Chaucer uses this sarcastic interpretation of the persons of medieval society as the backbone for the tone of each story and overarching theme to connect all of them. Since the Pardoner chooses to “drink the liquor of the grape and keep a jolly wench in every town”, does this mean Chaucer to maintain a similar lifestyle or set of morals? No, it does not. What this does confirm, is Chaucer’s ability to read and understand the vices and follies of people and professionals in his society while maintain a light hearted tone and storyline to his novel.
Chaucer’s ability to empathize and interpret the lifestyle, and values of the characters he has encountered in 14th century society allows him to create stereotypical yet dynamic characters. Chaucer is credited as being a feminist, but why isn’t he credited as being a belligerent clergyman. His capacity to stereotype and tap into the mind of the Pardoner is no different than what he does with The Wife of Bath. The Wife of Bath is not representative of every woman during the 14th century, just as the Pardoner is not the spokesperson or prime example of all members of the church. Although Chaucer is the first to incorporate a feminist perspective in his tale, this does not confine him to the beliefs of The Wife of Bath.  ‘If you can tell stories, create characters, devise incidents, and have sincerity and passion, it doesn’t matter a damn how you write’ Somerset Maugham once said. Chaucer is not exempt from this idea.
His knack of creating controversial characters, especially female characters has allowed him to shoulder the reputation as a feminist. Not to diminish this title or feat in creating the Wife of Bath, but this title is a misnomer. Chaucer is an empathetic, perceptive writer, but he is not a feminist.

Works Cited
Canfield Reisman, Rosemary M. "A Feminist Perspective on The Canterbury Tales." Critical Insights: The Canterbury Tales. Ed. Jack Lynch. Vol. 1. N.p.: EBSCO Pub, 2010. N. pag. Salem Press. Web. 6 Nov. 2013. <>.
Chaucer, Geoffrey. The Canterbury Tales. New York, New York: Penguin Group, 1977. Print.
CNN. Helen Gurley Brown: I'm a Devout Feminist. Youtube. CNN, 13 Aug. 2012. Web. 6 Nov. 2013. <>.
"Cosmo Girl & feminism: Who's come a long way, baby?" Ed. Robert J. Hall et al. Interstate General Media, 15 Aug. 2012. Web. 6 Nov. 2013. <>.

What Chaucer Thinks of Marriage Today, Wife of Bath

Kahse Mandarino
Mr. O’Brien
British Literature
6 November 2013
I Love You, I Love You Not
            In the Canterbury Tales, Chaucer expresses many lessons of social satire, particularly on marriage. The “Wife of Bath’s Tale” discusses virginity, marriage, and sovereignty of couples in marriage. Chaucer poses the question, what does a woman want most in marriage? Chaucer delves further into this question with an interesting and ironic story. Through the “Wife of Bath’s Tale”, Chaucer provides the reader a description of what happens in today’s society. The story may seem a bit exaggerated, but the exaggeration enhances Chaucer’s point that hypocrisies and abuses of power in marriage will be present now and in the future to come.
            The “Wife of Bath’s Tale” reveals a bitter truth that most people often marry solely based off of appearance. This causes people to marry too young, marry for the wrong purpose, and becoming miserable in the future. Especially when marrying too young, teenagers tend to change their opinions. The Wife of Bath says, “Young, strong, and stubborn, I was full of rage and jolly as a mag pie in a cage” (270). This quote explains perfectly how certain notions on life change as someone gets older. Another example of change of heart is when the king finds out that, “some said that women wanted wealth and treasure, ‘Honour’ said some, some ‘Jolly and pleasure,’ some ‘Gorgeous clothes’…”(283). The king cannot find a consistent answer because so many women are different, especially older women versus younger women. During the book’s time period, the man dominated marriage. Woman had little to no say in the relationship. Chaucer’s lesson to the story in the “Wife of Bath’s Tale” is for an average man to answer the question of, what does woman wants most in marriage? The answer is to let the women have control.
            In the “Wife of Bath’s Tale”, Chaucer not only analyzes the men’s fault to marriage, as previously explained, but he also views the women’s faults. In the tale, the Wife begins to explain why she married five times. She believes that marrying many times shouldn’t be frown upon. The Wife believes that, “God bade us all to wax and multiply… Then why not marry to or even eight?” (259). The Wife defends this argument by stating that there are two types of women, those who are meant to by fruitful, and perfect women. Virginity is perfection in through her eyes, therefore, those that are perfect should remain virgin. Those that are not perfect, like herself, must multiply in order to make more virgins. In general, Chaucer alludes to different stances on marriage. One side is where marriage should be equal and shared between couples. As long as that is done, the couple will live a long and cheerful life together. The second side is where God wants some women to be fruitful and make perfect virgins. Chaucer is able to accurately explain two sides of marriage in great depth. His views on marriage do not just pertain to the books time, but also in society today.
            Today’s trends of marriage are very similar to what Chaucer writes in his stories. In today’s society, everything is moving at a fast pace. This causes people to judge based off of appearance, without taking the time to get to know the personality of the person. If Chaucer were alive today, I believe he would not be surprised that many people marry based off the looks of the other. According to Anita Yok Sim Ho from the Huffington Post, part of the reason why the divorce rate is so high is because people do not take the time to deeply listen to their significant other before responding. People tend to think impulsively. If the person looks does not immediately grab the attention of others, then people are less likely to be attracted to the other. Chaucer explains that marriages will be unhappy if the relationship is mainly one sided. Anita also agrees with Chaucer by saying putting heavy responsibility on another human being to make you happy all the time is unrealistic and unfair. Marriage was one sided during Chaucer’s time, but in today’s society, women are very have equal opportunities as men. Chaucer’s point of woman wants control in marriage is becoming truer in society today. Women have more rights and freedom then when they did nearly seven hundred years ago. Even though some marriages today are completely male dominated, it is often frown upon in today’s society. Stacey Vanek Smith, author for the New York Times, believes that marriage in the present is more about wealth. In the article, research shows that money is the number one reason couples fight and a main reason marriages split up. In the article, Stacey Smith interviews a student of social research named Terri Orbuch. Dr. Orbuch mentions, “In our society, money is a really taboo subject, almost like sex,” she said. “In fact, I think money is even more taboo, because these days friends talk about sex, but we don’t usually know how much our friends make.” Chaucer makes references to money in the Wife of Bath’s tale, particularly when the king was asking women what they want most in marriage. Wealth is a big factor for many when deciding to marry. Chaucer would despise this notion, he believes that marriage should be purely love, not material desire.
            Much of what Chaucer ridiculed in the “Wife of Bath’s Tale”, is true in today’s society. Even though Chaucer explains marriage much throughout the “Wife of Bath’s tale”, it is hard to figure out what his stance is. Chaucer was married once and had two kids, but it is hard to deduce that his marriage was happy or miserable. In general, I believe Chaucer looks at marriage in two ways. One way is where a man dominates the marriage. The other is where the woman dominates marriage. Through analyzing the text in the Canterbury Tales, and present day information on marriage, it is easy to deduced that Chaucer overall message is that marriage is positive, as long as both partners are equal, loyal, and loving.

Works Cited
12, June. "Mayor Feels a `sense of Failure' in Marital Split." Los Angeles Times. Los Angeles Times, 12 June 2007. Web. 06 Nov. 2013.
Mallon, Bridget. "Marriage Mistakes That Lead To Divorce." The Huffington Post., 26 Aug. 2013. Web. 06 Nov. 2013.

Smith, Stacy V. "Money Talk Before Marriage a Tip You Can’t Disparage." The New York Times. N.p., 25 Mar. 2013. Web. 6 Nov. 2013.

Pardon the Pardoner

In the year 1858 in the town of Lourdes France, a fourteen-year-old girl Bernadette Sobirous purportedly saw a miraculous apparition of the Virgin Mary. Four years later, Pope Pius IX approved the miracle. Since this event, millions have traveled to Lourdes in order to bathe in the miraculous waters and be cured. Naturally, the Church has kept strict records of visitors since 1858 and has discovered 60 cases of pilgrims to Lourdes whose recoveries after the fact cannot be explained by science and thus must be deemed miraculous. These cases seemed to provide proof to the church that the waters were in fact miraculous. However, the scientist Carl Sagan did extensive research on this phenomenon and found that the rate of spontaneous, inexplicable remission of disease in the general public is in fact higher than in those who have made the pilgrimage to Lourdes. Lawrence Krauss added, “Thus, if you bathe in the Lourdes waters, you apparently have a smaller likelihood of being spontaneously cured than others who have not. However, if you are one of the faithful and go to Lourdes, and later your disease goes into remission, there is no way I, or anyone else, will be likely to convince you it was just a coincidence” (LA Times). It was precisely this type of belief that Chaucer satirizes in “The Pardoner’s Tale”. Like the Church in both Chaucer’s time and modernity, the Pardoner is both enigmatic and paradoxical; he is surrounded with so much irony and ambiguity that the reader is confused by the morals of the character even at the end of the tale. The Pardoner is at once a pardoner and repenter, an epitome and antithesis of morality. Yet, the startling fact is that the Pardonor readily admits his faults and underlying motive, “that he means to have money, wool, cheese, and wheat” (Chaucer 244). The Pardoner never attempts to act dignified and noble noting, “And thus I preach against the very vice I make my living out of- avarice” (Chaucer 244). Chaucer depicts the Pardoner as a brutally honest man with many vices who is not himself intrinsically evil, but rather part of a much larger immoral organization, the Church.
From the beginning of the Pardoner’s Tale, Chaucer makes it clear that the object of his satire is the church rather than the Pardonor. While the Pardoner is not by any means a model of morality, Chaucer shows that the Church facilitates a system in which men of distasteful values can seem powerful and holy. In the first paragraph of the prologue, the Pardoner makes his motive and tactics clear to his listeners,
“My Lords,” he said, “in churches where I preach
I cultivate a haughty kind of speech
And Ring it out as roundly as a bell;
I’ve got it all by heart, the tale I tell.
I have a text, it always is the same
And always has been, since I learnt the game,
Old as the hills and fresher than the grass,
Radix Malorum est cupiditas” (Chaucer 241).

The Pardoner willingly admits that his tales and preaching are all just a ploy to obtain money. The Pardoner even accepts that he suffers from those very vices he preaches against, mainly that greed, and specifically his greed for money, is the root of all evil. Yet, the Pardoner says that his disingenuity is a part of a much larger conspiracy, which he calls, “the game” (Chaucer 241). His, “haughty kind of speech” (Chaucer 241), and tale which “is always the same” (Chaucer 241), show the emptiness of the Pardoner’s message. And yet, he is rich; the Pardoner recognizes that the best way for him to fulfill his want of money is through the church. The Pardonor notes that through the church he sells bones as holy relics and will take money even off the poorest of the poor. Some scholars even posit that even more irony is present in the story because the Pardoner is gay (JSTOR). Scholars point to the prologue of the Canterbury Tales in which the narrator states, “He had a small voice a goat has got…I judge he was a gelding or a mare” (Chaucer 21). These lines even further show that the Pardoner most likely did not believe in what he was preaching or what he stood for. In this way, Chaucer portrays the Pardoner as a brutally honest man with conspicuous faults caught up in the much larger, hypocritical, secretive, and inconspicuously unholy game that is the church and religion in the fifteenth century.
            Chaucer’s satire of the church is most likely a result of Chaucer living in pre-reformation era. Chaucer was very much alive in the era of indulgences and sacraments. For Chaucer, the Pardoner is simply a foil to which to compare the Church. Even though the Pardoner is a character ridiculous in his morality, his disingenuity seems minor in comparison to the church’s power to sway the people’s minds, just as they do today with the waters of Lourdes. Chaucer’s story maintains pertinence today as many continue to use the powers of religion and the church for the purposes of money and greed. The religious charlatans today bring to mind those of old and remind the public of the power of supernatural beliefs to change opinions, governments, economies, and lives. As indulges regain prominence in the church (Time), one cannot help but think of the Pardoner of Chaucer’s time who said the right things, told the right tales, and preached the right message but deep down was nothing more than a charlatan using supernatural beliefs for greed.


Works Cited:

Krauss, Lawrence, Ph.D. "Pope John Paul II and the Trouble with Miracles." Los Angeles Times [Los
     Angeles] 7 July 2013: n. pag. Print.

Vitello, Paul. "For Catholics, a Door to Absolution Is Reopened." The New York Times [New York] 9 
     Feb. 2009: n. pag. Print.
Rochman, Bonnie. "Why Catholic Indulgences Are Making a Comeback." Time Magazine 22 Feb. 2009: n. 
     pag. Print. 
Besserman, Lawrence and Storm, Melvin. “Chaucer's Pardoner.” PMLA. Vol. 98, No. 3 (May, 1983)pp. 405-406. Modern Language Association.
       pag. Print
Mitchell, Charles. “The Moral Superiority of Chaucer’s Pardonor.” College English May. 1966, pp. 437-444. National Council of English Teachers
       pag. Print

The Wife of Bath And Satirizing Divorce and Unfaithfulness

Chris Marino Mr. O’Brien English D Block 11/4/13 The Wife of Bath and Satirizing Divorce and Unfaithfulness In “The Wife of Bath” story, Chaucer is satirizing the fact that couples are getting divorced as well as marriages becoming ruined. In today’s society this is constantly happening, and people are getting divorced all the time. In the story “The Wife of Bath’s Prologue”, the main woman is married five times and never has a husband that she truly loves, and all the men end up passing away. Throughout the story, Chaucer satirizes adultery, gold digging, and many other situations that cause marriage’s to diminish, which relates to current day issues involving a high divorce rate, and lose of interest within couples. In “The Wife of Bath”, Chaucer says, “Wedding’s no sin, so far as I can learn. Better it is to marry than to burn.” (Page 260) Chaucer’s making some marriages out to be a joke; he says people are being married just to be married. Some may say that Chaucer makes a good point due to the fact that many more couples are getting divorced each year. If Chaucer were around today, he would know that what he wrote is applicable today. Throughout “The Wife of Bath” the knight is going around asking the women what they want most in life. He is required to do this because he raped a woman that he thought was pretty, and was sentenced to find what women wanted within one year or he would be executed. The knight goes around and finds that many women are not very interested in men themselves yet they are interested in what they have to offer them. “Some said that women wanted wealth and treasure, ‘Honor’, said some, some ‘Jollity’ and ‘fun in bed’.” This just go to shows that Chaucer feels woman don’t really want men because they have something special about them that makes them love them, but that they have money and several things that woman want. Chaucer ironically writes this, he never had a problem with married, married once until his wife sadly passed away. (Wikipedia) If a woman was to marry a man because he had a lot of money today she will willing be with him to only benefit herself and live an “alternate” lifestyle. However if the man was to lose his money, then why would she want to be with him any more. Chaucer makes this relevant when he says, “Is not annexed in nature to possessions. Men fail in living up to there professions…”(Page 289) When the men of the family, or the women, are not able to make the money that the other fell in love with, then what are they going to be in love with if they aren’t getting what they wanted. They are going to get rid of that marriage to get what they want. This is always happening in today’s societies. The most common form of this is young women with older men, and is known as being a gold digger. In the prologue this is also made very clear due to the fact that the woman that is telling the story about the knights has been divorced five times, and never really was in love with any of the men. According to Sabrina Thompson, of the Huffington Post online, it said that the average marriage length is about 8.8 years. This is a very short period of time. People are being married so quickly, and do not know what they are getting themselves into. In the prologue Chaucer satirizes the fact that the woman is being married five times to many different men and not one of them does she stay with for a long period of time. In todays world this is made clear when looking at Kim Kardashian’s short marriage with Kris Humphries. It lasted about 72 days and had no real purpose to it. Chaucer is getting this across quite well during that time period, and examples of this are still relevant today. One way that you can interpret these different situations is almost as if the man is being belittled by the woman in the relationship. Not physically but mentally. In the story, Chaucer is talking about how woman want certain things, and if they can’t get them, then bad things are going to happen to the relationship. All the woman want is money and they can divorce and find another man, and that is something that the knight realizes in the story. He decides that rather than picking someone that has the looks, he picks someone that is going to be in love with him and stay loyal. He doesn’t want for his heart to be broken because he had fallen in love with someone that was in love with his money not himself. If you put the pieces together with evidence from Chaucer and from today, its safe to say that they are somewhat close. No one really knows the exact date that this book was written, however it says that it was to be written from 1387-1400, which was time that Chaucer was alone after his wife died. ( So maybe after Chaucer’s wife past, he got jealous and started to point out the flaws in other peoples marriages to make up for the fact that he was not a part of one any longer. But no one truly knows why he is so critical towards marriages in the story, because that is for you to decide. Works Cited Biography. N.p., n.d. Web. 5 Nov. 2013. . Huffington Post Online., Inc., n.d. Web. 5 Nov. 2013. . Libarius. N.p., n.d. Web. 5 Nov. 2013. .

Prenuptial agreements and Hypocrisy

Shabri  Worthey
October 31, 2013
Mr. O’Brien

                                                            What a women wants  

The Canterbury Tales is a series of tales that will continue to travel throughout generations due to its everlasting relevance to society regardless of the time. The problems that evolve in marriages and relationships, such as economic hardships and also what characteristics of love should have priority over the other, are discussed in these tales. Variations in the standards held for men and alternative standard for women allows access to hypocrisy and a “double standard.” Through his literature Chaucer addresses our society’s condoning the corruption of trust in a marriage, and accepting appearance as a dominant factor in love, both of which have become more easily adopted over generations.
In today’s world we continuously tract the lives of our admired celebrities, and as a result our criteria for the standards of marriage evolves from the perception we view their publicized marriages. Reality television and alternative sources of media guides the social status of society. Recently a star of the Real Housewives of Atlanta, Nene Leakes, remarried her husband Gregg but with condition attached. She demanded that a prenuptial agreement be signed as protection from possible reoccurrence of another divorce.  She justifies her reasoning with the following statement. "You would handle your will upfront, or your life insurance — you handle all those things before you pass. It's the same thing, in case something happens." Nene argues that her husband would have done the same had he not been distracted by her physical attributes. She says "[Men] like Hello Kitty, and then they worry about the other stuff later,"
Nene’s experience addresses two things of similarity with the Canterbury tales, one being men’s ability to be blinded and solely focused on the physical attraction to a woman. In respects to marriage, Chaucer fails to associate marriage with love in his tales but links it instead to age and appearance. Through his literature he surfaces the idea of a disbelief in a married couple being unequally yoked. In the wife of baths tale, a knight owed his life to an older woman, after she helped him in his mission to avoid imprisonment. He faced the dilemma of whether or not to withstand his misery in the marriage caused by his wife’s unappealing presence or to have her transform into a more appealing woman. In the context of the Wife of baths tale the knight is ridiculed by his wife for desiring a woman with beauty and an idea is conveyed that women should be valued for her effort and dedication in a marriage and not for her appearance
The second thing that Nene’s experience links with the Canterbury tale is the hypocrisy that women often portray. Gregg struggles to be welcomed back into Nene’s heart under the circumstances that he would have to give her the most valuable ring he could obtain but after spending a bulk of his money on her he would have to surrender his rights to obtain any profit from Nene’s financial investments. In The Wife of Bath Tales Nene reinforces that the thing women want most in life is power and superiority over men. Gregg’s vulnerability and his willingness to go beyond measures made him gullible and responsive to all her requests.
A prenuptial agreement allows the bread winner to be a threat to terminate the marriage when a marriage is generally established on a foundation of trust. The Huffington post offers that “the divorce rate for first marriages –meaning a marriage in which neither person has been married before—is reportedly between 40 and 50%. But for second marriages, in which at least one of the spouses has been married once before, the rate jumps to between 60 and 67%.And for third marriages (at least one of the spouses has been married twice before), it's a whopping 70-73%.” Trust begins to weaken and deceit grows. We are to interpret the satirical manner of The Wife of Bath’s Tale in a way that will allow us to acknowledge hypocrisies.
In conclusion, evidence from the Canterbury tales proves women want what they are not willing to give and display hypocritical attitudes. The Millers Tales provides support for both of these.  “She was a girl of eighteen years of age. Jealous he was and kept her in her cage, for he was old and she as wild and young; he thought himself quite likely to be stung” (Page 89) A marriage cannot be a successful one if the two are of different ranks, or unequally yoked. What a woman wants is contradicted when in the miller’s tale; the lady is willing to commit an infidelity only by the restrictions that her husband must be fooled and unaware of the circumstances.  In the tale the woman says “on her suspicious husbands foolish fits, and if so be the trick worked out all right, she then would sleep with Nicholas all night.” Women want superiority in their marriage, and are willing to take advantage of their spouse regardless of their commitment or dedication to their marriage.

Jim Duzak , Second and Third marriage,  Web. 6 Nov 2013.

Chelsea Brady, Nene Leakes Why I got a Prenup, Web 18, Sepy 2013.

The Curse of the Trophy Wife: What Can You Learn From John the Carpenter

1475 was a rough year for John the Carpenter; his beautiful Alison cheated on him with his mentee Nicholas and he was made to look like an old lunatic--ranting about the end of the world in a bathtub--by those same two. It’s safe to say that he is questioning is decision to marry that beautiful young wife of his a few years ago.

Their marriage was long in question because of her vitality and beauty compared to his advanced age. Many will assume, probably correctly so, that she married him for his wealth. According to Martin Tolchin women are often attracted to their “husband’s maturity and understanding” (Tolchin 1) from his age. Some also attribute the commonness of these relationships to the fact that according to modern standards “women past 40 years are washed up and no longer attractive whereas society has built up a standard that men into their 70s are seen as virile and quite attractive according to modern standards.” (“How Old is Too Old 1) Whatever the reason this combo clearly did not go well, so we would like to offer the five reasons to ditch the trophy wife and seek a real marriage.

She will always catch the attention of younger and more attractive men and have the temptation of cheating. You can’t always accuse her of cheating, but there will always be the risk. You may feel like you have to compete constantly with other men even though you are already married to her.

She is “wild and young” (Chaucer 89) and as you get older, you may no longer be able to keep up with her. When you may want to sit at home, read, and go to bed early, she may want to go out and party. This can cause a rift in your relationship and also create a greater desire for her to cheat.

She always has the power, because she can still find another husband her age, but you likely won’t ever be able to catch someone as good and beautiful as her.

To summarize I implore you to heed to the Miller’s words that “ A man should marry someone like himself/A man should pick an equal for his mate” (Chaucer 89)

Chaucer, Geoffrey. The Canterbury Tales. Trans. Nevill Coghill. London: Penguin, 2003. Print.

Tolchin, Martin. "Age Gap in a Marriage Has Value, Couples Say." N.p., 18 Oct. 1962. Web. 06 Nov. 2013.

"How Old Is Too Old... Dating Older Men." Clarity Digital Group LLC, n.d. Web. 06 Nov. 2013.

What Women Want (And how it Won’t get you Killed after you Raped a Girl)

So you’ve found yourself in this oddly specific situation. Luckily, due to the recent power shift in the ruling family, a new law has been put in place so that you can actually get away from raping someone scot-free (which, all things considering, is actually really horrific.)
You may be surprised at how many rapists are able to escape their punishments, without the need of a queen’s royal pardon. Statistics show that only 40% of rapes actually get reported, and that only 3% of rapists will actually spend a full day or over in prison.

            It is often disturbing how some try and defend rapists in court. In one case, where an 11-year old girl was raped by 20 men and teenagers, the defense attorney likened the victim and the men involved to “the spider and the fly,” implying that she drew them in purposefully. These men were found guilty, but the fact that such arguments for defense are used in these cases is disturbing.
Rape has been becoming more and more topical towards politics. For example, Terry McAuliffe, who ran a negative campaign against opponent Ken Cuccinelli for his stance on abortion based on rape, won the recent gubernatorial election in Virginia.
And now, in this case, a knight is able to evade a death sentence – and you can too! In accordance with the queen’s legislation, the new rule states that you can get a royal pardon if you can say exactly what women want. Previous studies have shown popular answers such as “(We) should be cosseted and flattered.” (Chaucer 283) To help with this dilemma, our staff has gone through a wide variety of women in different fields, in order to give you a selection of possible answers.

“Your order, sir. You’re holding up the line.”
Starbucks Barista
Age 26

“Equality with men in my field of work”
Overly Optimistic Corporate Executive
Age 34

“To be oft widowed and remarried” (Chaucer 283)
Professional Cougar
Age 45

“Freedom [to do whatever I want!]” (Chaucer 283)
Age 25

Wrong Type of Cougar
Age 3 in Cougar Years

“Gorgeous Clothes!” (Chaucer 283)
College Student
Age 19

“You to stop spending time with so many other women and help me raise our child, you selfish ass!”
My Tramp of a Wife
Age 666

“How much you got?”
A Prostitute
Age 37

“I’ll tell you, but first you’ll have to do a random favor for me that I can call in at any time! Mwahahaha!”
A Smelly Old Woman we found in the Woods
Age Unknown

"Reporting Rates | RAINN | Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network." Reporting Rates | RAINN | Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network. RAINN, 2009. Web. 06 Nov. 2013. <>.

Campbell, Andy. "Gang-Rape Victim Compared By Texas Defense Attorney To 'Spider' Who Lured In Jared Len Cruse, Suspects." The Huffington Post., 28 Nov. 2012. Web. 06 Nov. 2013. <>.

Chaucer, Geoffrey. "The Wife of Bath's Tale." Canterbury Tales. The Norton Anthology of English Literature: The Major Authors. Ed. Stephen Greenblatt. 8th ed. New York: Norton, 2006. 226-234.

O'Malley, Nick. "Christie Paves Way for 2016 White House Bid." Http:// The Sydney Morning Herald, 06 Nov. 2013. Web. 06 Nov. 2013. <>.